I meant it (say it right this time)
by sharkinterviewee
Summary: Halloween III fix it fic: Jake had been trying to say it for a while now, and it came out at the worst possible moment, so he tells her about what he can and cannot say.


**AN: spoilers for Halloween part III s03e05, just a good old fix it fic that takes place after Amy's coronation.** **Actual summary with spoilers so peeps don't accidentally read it when looking through all fics:**  
 **Jake had been trying to say it for awhile. The whole L thing. And it picked the worst possible time to come out. Jake doesn't apologize for thinking Amy was a spy. But he does apologize for what he can and cannot say.**  
 **Jake and Amy talk about royalty.**

* * *

"I meant it," Jake said after he leaned against the bar next to her.

Amy had been surveying her domain from atop her throne while her subjects intermingled or congratulated her on her victory in battle for the past half hour. Technically her domain was Shaw's bar, her subjects were her coworkers, and she was really just getting commended for tricking everyone. But thrones didn't even spin like her bar stool, so it all worked out.

Jake hadn't really talked to her much after her coronation. Just flitted around chatting to other people with a drink in hand from across the room. Amy suspected he was mad because she tricked him, but he deserved it. She was still basking in the praise of everyone else, so she wasn't going to let him sulking ruin her night.

Just now were the first words she had heard from him in about 20 minutes- while he wouldn't even glance in her direction.

"What?" Amy asked, because she didn't even know what he was referring to by 'it'. She couldn't even think of what he would do that he would or wouldn't mean.

"What I said."

"What did you say?"

"When me and Holt were yelling at you. It was easier to say when I was fighting with him than when I'd been trying to the past few weeks, and I still had to say we instead of I and do it the roundabout way instead of the 3 word version," Jake paused, and she finally got what he was talking about.

What he said when they were trying to get the address, what he said where the words 'I' and 'we' were grammatically interchangeable, and what was usually expressed using 3 words. Jake was saying he meant it. When he said love.

"And I know that's a sucky way for me to say it the first time. And I'd totally redo it but I think I have a legit psychological condition because I literally cannot physically say it the right way. And I really hate that the only reason I'm able to talk to you right now is because I knew I needed to say something so I've been drinking the whole time, and I really hate that I still can't say it right. So this is my apology," his words came from a tight throat that he tried to wash away with another swig of beer.

"I'm not apologizing for thinking you were a spy, because I still believe that was justified. I know you're your own person because there wouldn't be any reason to be here if you weren't. I assumed that your loyalty didn't immediately lie with me just because I'm your boyfriend and Holt assumed it didn't lie with him even though you try to impress him every chance you get because you make your own decisions. We were still pretty crappy about making the whole day about ourselves, but I'm not apologizing for suspecting you made a decision to mess with me today. I'm apologizing for not being able to say it. I'm sorry for that."

Amy had kind of been trying to push that bit out of her mind for most of the night. She had planned for them to ask her for the address, she orchestrated it. But she didn't expect him to say love. And the whole knee thing. She knew he probably would turned it into a different sentence if she hadn't stopped him, but she had to stop him.

She had to stop him because there was the slight possibility that he would actually say it and then later she would have to hear him say he took it back. So she had to stop him.

The whole monster thing was aimed at him.

But looking at him now, she was reminded of all the reasons she loved him. He was next to her, but he still wasn't looking at her. He hadn't been looking at her the whole time, just staring straight ahead. He was leaning against the bar which usually would have been a relaxed position, but he was tense all over.

And she knew that anyone who had ever told her they loved her never went through this much trouble to say it. And if they had to go through this much trouble to say it they never would have said it at all.

Sure, there would have been a bit of a problem if he did take the slight chance and actually say the m-word (even she couldn't finish it at the moment) there would be stuff to work out when he took it back. Just because she loved him and she knew Jake couldn't handle emotions well didn't give him a free pass to say and do anything in the heat of the moment.

But they would have worked it out together. Because they were partners.

Because she loved him.

Because he meant it when he said it.

"It's okay. You don't have to be sorry and you don't have to say it, because I already know," when Amy touched him he flinched, but he didn't fight it when she wrapped his arms around her shoulder, and moved into her touch. "Because we are in love. And I know we're in love. Very much in love."

He still wasn't looking at her, but he pulled her closer and she felt the tension leave him. Jake's warmth meant more to her than the 3 words said 'right' ever would.

"We should have a safe word for when I actually hurt your feelings and won't accept it. Like an absolute one, because even though it shouldn't I have a gut feeling something like this is gonna happen again eventually and I'll probably be stupid then too, so we should have a word for when I'm seriously being stupid to knock me out of it, or even a safe sentence in case I'm extra stupid that day. Cause I have a gut feeling this is gonna happen again and I don't want to be stupid and hurt you."

It was at that point that Amy wondered if she should cut him off. It was obvious he felt bad and she had seen him (and of course he told her) that he had been drinking but she didn't think it was that much to help him have this much sincerity. This was probably the most emotional conversation she might have ever had with him (in one sitting at least). But she knew what drunk Jake looked and acted like, and this wasn't drunk Jake. This was liquid courage, moderately over tipsy Jake. And whether he had had a drop of alcohol or not, he'd never said anything like this. He'd never been this open before.

So apparently Jake felt awful enough to be able to say things that would make most of the human race cringe. Amy wasn't even sure if she could admit such a fault and put it so bluntly and make preparations so she never had the chance to make the same mistake again and confess that she might need help to not make it again. She hoped she would do the same for him, but to anyone else she never would have been able to say it in a million years.

Most people wouldn't have been able to give up their pride and say that.

But this was Jake. Jake who couldn't handle emotions and who couldn't say the 3 words 'right'.

And he had said it to her.

He had said it for her.

Now Amy was the one who didn't have words. She didn't know how to possibly tell him how much he meant to her. But she knew even if she didn't have the words right now she needed to do something, so she wrapped her arm around his waist and nestled her head into him as her crown slipped an inch.

"Later. Let's just be here right now. I'm having a nice time."

He was silent for probably a minute before he took a few gulps of the drink left in his hand and began again.

"You're lucky they frown on drinking at work in the 21st century, because if I had a flask handy it may have had just enough hard alcohol for me to down it and go after you. And then you wouldn't have had nearly as much fun if I caught you changing the friendly neighborhood janitor," Jake swung the bottle of beer in his hand for emphasis, because apparently honesty hour was not over. "I should probably be at least a little bit tipsy at all times, because that crown could've been mine. But I probably would have thrown up regardless, running and staircases or drinking and feelings."

"I would make you my king, but I think the nine nine is better off a matriarchy. So I'm appointing you my court jester, and you can be my royal mister too."

"Is that a real term?"

"If it isn't, I'm making it one. There isn't a proper male term for mistress, and royal mistresses were romantic stylez but not married to the king. So you'll be my royal mister. All the power is mine. Don't forget I won this crown fair and square."

She was using her teasing voice, but Jake tensed again- this time he pulled her even closer instead of pushing her away.

"If you had said yes, I would have meant it too."

Once again she didn't know what this 'it' was. What he would do that he would or wouldn't have meant. What she could have answered yes to.

But then she remembered what he said after the love thing.

What was the deciding factor between royal mister and king.

"Well, either way I would have meant it, but the other way I would have played it off as a joke. If you said yes I would have told the truth."

Amy stopped breathing at that. She was sure her heart stopped beating, or skipped a bit, or even went double time. Whatever it was, her heart wasn't beating normally.

She knew he was telling the truth about it now. Because this was honesty hour, and he wouldn't have gone through all of that just to start lying now.

And Amy was glad she stopped him then. Because it was in the heat of the moment, and he had planned on actually going through and saying the m-word. And he would have meant it, but she never would have believed him.

She would have stormed off, and if he somehow didn't play it off as a joke and managed to get her to believe him, she would have thought that he (subconsciously) convinced himself after the fact.

But she had stopped him. There was no reason to convince himself because he never said it. Close to saying it wasn't enough for him to go to subconscious reasoning.

And he wasn't lying here.

She knew Jake. She knew honest Jake. And this was moderately tipsy, very honest Jake.

Jake and Amy who were so very much in love.

"Let's revisit this conversation when we're both not running on adrenaline or intoxicated, alright?"

Jake nodded silently and tensed when she shifted, but before he could get the wrong idea and drop his arm because he thought she was moving away she kissed him on the cheek.

"But for now it's time for my court jester to make me smile," Amy issued her first royal decree.

"Gladly."

He set the bottle on the bar behind him and turned to her and smiled, and she did too.

Jake smiling was all she needed to make her smile too.

* * *

 **AN: Yup yup, fix it fic. Could not let that slide.**

 **Wished I could have had this out sooner but I didn't even watch the episode until like 20 hours later, but I couldn't let that episode ending (or left out ending) stand.**

 **Basically I've heard 2 reactions to this episode. One is that people are happy that Amy got to really stand up for herself and prove herself and that's what they took away from the episode. The other group is upset that Jake was being such a jerk.**

 **I'm glad that Amy got to own them at their own game but Jake's never been this jerky so I had to write something to get out my frustrations. Usually b99 has great writing (how season 3 hasn't just become about Jamy like what tends to happen after romantic interests finally get together in shows and how they didn't drag out the vulture part just to create drama which would have been tiring, just 2 examples from this season) so I don't think the writer's would just put in that line and gloss over it. At least I hope.**

 **I hope they had a good reason for doing it and didn't just use it as a throw away line.**

 **So if you were upset because of this episode too, let me know if I helped your heart with this.**

 **Edit AN: so there's this really great person on tumblr who analyzed the heck out of the brooklyn nine nine time line, their url is aspiestvmusings.  
I reblogged their post and I'll help you find it if you need it cause of 's website rules, but here's a summary of how awesome they got it down:**

 **1\. The line about pretending to be his girlfriend for weeks is because Holt has been back for weeks and he meant since then. Because in canon they got together sometime between May-July, and the episode is Oct.**

 **2\. They made all of these great points about how their relationship plays out, and the whole point of the episode, and how we don't get all to see everything that happens in a single episode once a week.**

 **3\. There's more than one way to say I love you**

 **4\. He only said "Amy Santiago, will you ma-"**

 **Which could have ended as**

 **"Amy Santiago, will you marry me and make me the happiest man on earth?"**

 **Or it could have ended as**

 **"Amy Santiago, will you make me the happiest man on earth, and give me Al, the janitor's number, so I can become king of the nine nine?"**

 **So those were all points made by aspiestvmusings (and number 4 were direct quotes from a pic edit thing they made) and so if you do the whole tumblr thing you can go thank them for being so cool.**


End file.
